The Ed Factor

“The Ed Factor.”  It’s the guy who calls you at two in the morning, inebriated, begging you to come over.  You know why.  But he takes you out on dates sometimes, so it doesn’t seem like a booty call. 

He doesn’t call you his girlfriend, but he wants you to act like one behind closed doors.  You know the type.  Ed.  He might even go so far as to introduce you to his family.  That’s when he really gets your hopes up. 

You’re optimistic that things are actually getting better, but then he “forgets” to call you for a week.  Is he really so busy that he can’t even call you for five minutes to let you know that he’s alive? 

He apologizes for being so neglectful and promises to make it up to you.  Your birthday is coming up so you tell him to surprise you.  He says he will. 

At last, your special day rolls around.  You wonder what he has planned.  Dinner at a fancy restaurant?  A show at the theatre?  A relaxing night in with Chinese food and the latest DVD release? 

You have your doubts, but you trust he will take the opportunity to redeem himself.

You begin to lose hope when you have to flick on the light switch in your bedroom because the sun is starting to go down.  Alas, your special day is almost over. 

You jump up eagerly when there is a knock on the door; but your smile quickly fades when you find the menace that the world refers to as your “brother” standing there.    

Scratching himself, he asks, “Want to go out for dinner?  I’m hungry.” 

You could definitely go for some sushi, but you’re sure Ed will show up any minute.   After all, you’ve been waiting around all day.  You realize the time though, so you cave and call him. 

It’s hard to hear him with all of the people talking in the background.  A few minutes into the conversation, when Ed hasn’t mentioned anything about your birthday, you start to doubt that the background noise is because he had planned some sort of epic surprise party in your honor.  You casually remind him what day it is.  His response?

“Oh.  Happy Birthday!  So what did you do for it?”

You finally tell him to screw off because you can’t stand feeling so used anymore.  Then, you find out from his best friend just weeks later that he moved in with another girl.  Ed.  He’s a psycho.

So how are you ever supposed to know if a guy is going to turn out to be crazy?  How do you know he won’t just break your heart?  Isn't there some sort of tangible characteristic, like, side burns or a bowl-cut or something, to distinguish a psycho from a normal guy? 

You wish.  Psychos come in all shapes and sizes, unfortunately.  

I've dealt with many "psycho" men in my life. So have my friends. Of course, my favorite things to talk about are men and food (especially vegetarian), so, I decided that it's time to create a blog, just like everyone else. If you like it, awesome! If not, may your life be full of sweet peas and void of psychos!